You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
