Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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