I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
