What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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