i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
