i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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