I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
