You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
