apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize