Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
