he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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