Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize