I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize