swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
