if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
