i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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