I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's never too late to be topless.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
