it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
