wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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