She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
