let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
