It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
