I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
