I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
