I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
