I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
