And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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