does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
