i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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