so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize