just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
