I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
