i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
