First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
