currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They took my balls.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize