So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
