I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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