1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
