dude i'm inner monologue high
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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