bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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