The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
