i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
