what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
