once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
