i already hear my dad disowning me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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