I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
