At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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