i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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