The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
