They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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