i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
