i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
