Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
