I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
