apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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