So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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