im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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