I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
