I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
