I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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