Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
