It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
