I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
