Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize