their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
