hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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