That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
