i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
