It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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