I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
