i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
