It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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