"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
