dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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