i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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