i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
