how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
