just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
