And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Randomize
