I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
