Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize