youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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