My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
