Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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