I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize