Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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