i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
