I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize