we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
