i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He better not be in your backpack
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
