A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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