Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
