i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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