She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
