Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
