You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
